Deborah Edgar

When I was a little girl, I was shamed by my parents for nearly everything - my appearance, my thoughts, my feelings, my body, my actions. Shame wasn’t an occasional experience; it was the atmosphere. It was deeply ingrained. And, so, it became something I carried into adulthood. It's something that still shows up quickly when I make a mistake. Because of that, I’ve had to work hard to untangle the difference between shame and regret. They can feel similar, but they lead us i

For years since Jon’s death, I have asked him for signs. Not small ones. Not subtle ones. I asked for bold clarity , something unmistakable that would let me know he is still near, still guiding, still witnessing my life as I live it forward without him. There have been bold moments as well as quiet reassurances and gentle nudges. Many of them. This past weekend, it happened again. On Friday night, a Facebook friend sent me a private message. She told me she had been reading

I used to think my life was a series of broken chapters - stories that didn’t connect, losses that didn’t make sense, wounds that never quite closed. I thought I was just surviving one thing after another. But standing here now, I see it differently. I wasn’t breaking. I was becoming . Every grief, every unraveling, every moment I thought I was lost was quietly shaping the woman I am today. This is not the story of what happened to me. This is the story of who I chose to beco

We don’t talk enough about identity loss. The darkest part of grief, loss, loneliness. The moment when life quietly - or violently - strips you of who you thought you were. Whether we feel a sense of identity loss from the death of a loved one, a relationship ending, a job loss, or a host of other losses, the sense of losing ourselves and having to reinvent ourselves is an added layer of grief on top of grief. And it's real! I’ve had three of those moments in my life. And eac

As we lean into a new year, I keep hearing people talk about getting it right . The right plan. The right timing. The right version of themselves that will magically appear on January 1st. Spoiler alert: that version does not exist. And if it does, she’s probably exhausted and a little annoying. Here’s what I know for sure: nothing is resolute. Life is fluid. Circumstances change. Energy changes. Motivation comes and goes. Some days feel inspired and expansive. Other days… we